Hey, happy birthday, how about a mammogram?
At my yearly physical back in March, my PCP casually mentioned she'd put a reminder in my chart so once I turned 40, the hospital would call and I'd be scheduled for a mammogram. "Ok, sounds great! Thanks!," I probably said as I bounded out of the exam room, months away from that life milestone.
This Wednesday I turned the big 4-0. I guess I'm now over the proverbial "hill"?
I was sitting on the couch enjoying my second cup of coffee (IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY) when my phone rang at exactly 9:29 in the AM (I know because I just went back and looked).
"Hello, Kristen? I'm calling from ____________ Health to schedule your annual mammogram."
I'm gonna call this friendly, grandmotherly-sounding lady, Janine. She sounded like a Janine.
"Oh, hi. Yes, okay. I can go ahead and schedule that!" I sat my cup down and grabbed my calendar. "Let me see here....."
"I need to ask you a few preliminary questions before my scheduling screen will open up. Is that okay? Is there a better time I can call or does now work?," she wanted to know ever so courteously.
"No! No, now's fine. Go ahead," I replied.
"Okay, first question: are you pregnant?" (That'll be a hard NO, Janine).
"Okay, second question: are you breastfeeding?" (Not that I'm aware of, J).
"Third question: Do you have breast implants or any surgical implants in the breast area?" (Janine. JA. NINE. Ya girl's allllll real.)
"Okay, here's my scheduling screen. Let's see...we have availability at 2:15, 2:30, 3:00 or 3:30 today. Do any of those times work?" Her tone suddenly seemed aggressive to me.
"Oh, wow, uh (nervous giggle) today? Like this afternoon? I...uh...well...I could probably...let's see. Today? Hmmmmm.....," was my reply. I couldn't find words for my friend, Janine. "I don't know if today will work since it's so sudden. What other availability do you have?"
"Tomorrow. We could do tomorrow," she informed me without budging.
I am EVER SO GLAD that my BFF Janine was so concerned about my first yearly screening and wanted me in that office ASAP. Ever so happy. But all I could hear in my mind were the echoes of my mother, who at one point in time, most likely on the way home from her every-five-years colonoscopy and still heavily under the influence of whatever sedative they give for that screening told me, "I'd rather have a colonoscopy than a mammogram. Mammograms are SO UNCOMFORTABLE! Flatter than a pancake is what they try to do! I'll bet a man designed that machine!"
And so can you maybe understand my apprehension when Janine tried to squeeze (yep, did that on purpose) me into the schedule literally less than twelve hours after the clock struck midnight on my fortieth birthday?
"Tomorrow, did you say? Tomorrow's definitely no good. Friday's looking even worse and next week we're completely booked all week. Ok. You know what, Janine? Put me down for 3:30 today. It's my birthday so I'll always remember my first screening in case I need to know for future reference."
"Great! You've been scheduled! Arrive ten minutes early for your appointment and go in through Entrance 3. Have a good day!" She was happy because she was victorious.
"Thanks, you t--!" The phone clicked in my ear. She'd hung up before I could finish telling her goodbye. And here I thought we were so close! She knew things about my breast health that no one else did (until I shared it all with you now).
The details of the test itself are boring but I'd like to go on the record and tell you I determined my mom's warnings to be a lie. It was quick, not uncomfortable, and in fact, the technician and I giggled about my mom and her mom, who both shared the same story about the experience of having a mammogram.
All this to say, this is your PSA: Go! Schedule it! It's quick and painless and will give you peace of mind, and if mammograms aren't your thing because of fears of too much radiation, schedule thermography as your screening tool. The point is, do something for yourself and your family as far as preventative screening is concerned! Don't put these things off!
In the meantime, I'll be over here impressed with the punctuality and efficiency of Janine and her scheduling services.
This Wednesday I turned the big 4-0. I guess I'm now over the proverbial "hill"?
I was sitting on the couch enjoying my second cup of coffee (IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY) when my phone rang at exactly 9:29 in the AM (I know because I just went back and looked).
"Hello, Kristen? I'm calling from ____________ Health to schedule your annual mammogram."
I'm gonna call this friendly, grandmotherly-sounding lady, Janine. She sounded like a Janine.
"Oh, hi. Yes, okay. I can go ahead and schedule that!" I sat my cup down and grabbed my calendar. "Let me see here....."
"I need to ask you a few preliminary questions before my scheduling screen will open up. Is that okay? Is there a better time I can call or does now work?," she wanted to know ever so courteously.
"No! No, now's fine. Go ahead," I replied.
"Okay, first question: are you pregnant?" (That'll be a hard NO, Janine).
"Okay, second question: are you breastfeeding?" (Not that I'm aware of, J).
"Third question: Do you have breast implants or any surgical implants in the breast area?" (Janine. JA. NINE. Ya girl's allllll real.)
"Okay, here's my scheduling screen. Let's see...we have availability at 2:15, 2:30, 3:00 or 3:30 today. Do any of those times work?" Her tone suddenly seemed aggressive to me.
"Oh, wow, uh (nervous giggle) today? Like this afternoon? I...uh...well...I could probably...let's see. Today? Hmmmmm.....," was my reply. I couldn't find words for my friend, Janine. "I don't know if today will work since it's so sudden. What other availability do you have?"
"Tomorrow. We could do tomorrow," she informed me without budging.
I am EVER SO GLAD that my BFF Janine was so concerned about my first yearly screening and wanted me in that office ASAP. Ever so happy. But all I could hear in my mind were the echoes of my mother, who at one point in time, most likely on the way home from her every-five-years colonoscopy and still heavily under the influence of whatever sedative they give for that screening told me, "I'd rather have a colonoscopy than a mammogram. Mammograms are SO UNCOMFORTABLE! Flatter than a pancake is what they try to do! I'll bet a man designed that machine!"
And so can you maybe understand my apprehension when Janine tried to squeeze (yep, did that on purpose) me into the schedule literally less than twelve hours after the clock struck midnight on my fortieth birthday?
"Tomorrow, did you say? Tomorrow's definitely no good. Friday's looking even worse and next week we're completely booked all week. Ok. You know what, Janine? Put me down for 3:30 today. It's my birthday so I'll always remember my first screening in case I need to know for future reference."
"Great! You've been scheduled! Arrive ten minutes early for your appointment and go in through Entrance 3. Have a good day!" She was happy because she was victorious.
"Thanks, you t--!" The phone clicked in my ear. She'd hung up before I could finish telling her goodbye. And here I thought we were so close! She knew things about my breast health that no one else did (until I shared it all with you now).
The details of the test itself are boring but I'd like to go on the record and tell you I determined my mom's warnings to be a lie. It was quick, not uncomfortable, and in fact, the technician and I giggled about my mom and her mom, who both shared the same story about the experience of having a mammogram.
All this to say, this is your PSA: Go! Schedule it! It's quick and painless and will give you peace of mind, and if mammograms aren't your thing because of fears of too much radiation, schedule thermography as your screening tool. The point is, do something for yourself and your family as far as preventative screening is concerned! Don't put these things off!
In the meantime, I'll be over here impressed with the punctuality and efficiency of Janine and her scheduling services.
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